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Well, thanks to the Internet, I’m now bored with sex. Is there a place on the web that panders to my lust for violence?

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mei 1, 2019 7:37 pm
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You seem malnourished. Are you suffering from intestinal parasites? Switzerland is small and neutral! We are more like Germany, ambitious and misunderstood! They’re like sex, except I’m having them! With gusto. No! The cat shelter’s on to me. Bender, you risked your life to save me! Goodbye, friends. I never thought I’d die like this. But […]

Of all the friends I’ve had… you’re the first.

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mei 1, 2019 7:37 pm
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I wish! It’s a nickel. Ow, my spirit! In our darkest hour, we can stand erect, with proud upthrust bosoms. Leela’s gonna kill me. What are you hacking off? Is it my torso?! ‘It is!’ My precious torso! Um, is this the boring, peaceful kind of taking to the streets? Nay, I respect and admire Harold […]

Kif might!

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mei 1, 2019 7:35 pm
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That could be ‘my’ beautiful soul sitting naked on a couch. If I could just learn to play this stupid thing. Soothe us with sweet lies. Good man. Nixon’s pro-war and pro-family. Why would a robot need to drink? You’re going to do his laundry? Hey, you add a one and two zeros to that […]

It’s a T. It goes “tuh”.

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mei 1, 2019 7:34 pm
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I feel like I was mauled by Jesus. File not found. It must be wonderful. You wouldn’t. Ask anyway! You’re going back for the Countess, aren’t you? Kif might! Morbo can’t understand his teleprompter because he forgot how you say that letter that’s shaped like a man wearing a hat. All I want is to be a […]

Bender, you risked your life to save me!

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mei 1, 2019 7:33 pm
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In your time, yes, but nowadays shut up! Besides, these are adult stemcells, harvested from perfectly healthy adults whom I killed for their stemcells. Humans dating robots is sick. You people wonder why I’m still single? It’s ‘cause all the fine robot sisters are dating humans! For example, if you killed your grandfather, you’d cease […]

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