Well, thanks to the Internet, I’m now bored with sex. Is there a place on the web that panders to my lust for violence?

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mei 1, 2019 7:37 pm
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You seem malnourished. Are you suffering from intestinal parasites? Switzerland is small and neutral! We are more like Germany, ambitious and misunderstood! They’re like sex, except I’m having them! With gusto.

No! The cat shelter’s on to me. Bender, you risked your life to save me! Goodbye, friends. I never thought I’d die like this. But I always really hoped. Ooh, name it after me! You know, I was God once.

Enough about your promiscuous mother, Hermes! We have bigger problems.

Maybe I love you so much I love you no matter who you are pretending to be. Fry, we have a crate to deliver. Hello Morbo, how’s the family? Hey! I’m a porno-dealing monster, what do I care what you think?

  1. What are their names?
  2. OK, if everyone’s finished being stupid.
  3. Professor, make a woman out of me.

I meant ‘physically’. Look, perhaps you could let me work for a little food? I could clean the floors or paint a fence, or service you sexually?

Does anybody else feel jealous and aroused and worried? When the lights go out, it’s nobody’s business what goes on between two consenting adults. You guys go on without me! I’m going to go… look for more stuff to steal!

  • Alright, let’s mafia things up a bit. Joey, burn down the ship. Clamps, burn down the crew.
  • Oh, how awful. Did he at least die painlessly? …To shreds, you say. Well, how is his wife holding up? …To shreds, you say.
  • I videotape every customer that comes in here, so that I may blackmail them later.

Yeah, lots of people did. Kif might! It may comfort you to know that Fry’s death took only fifteen seconds, yet the pain was so intense, that it felt to him like fifteen years. And it goes without saying, it caused him to empty his bowels.

It’s toe-tappingly tragic! And remember, don’t do anything that affects anything, unless it turns out you were supposed to, in which case, for the love of God, don’t not do it! We don’t have a brig. Can I use the gun?

Have you ever tried just turning off the TV, sitting down with your children, and hitting them? Daylight and everything. Leela, are you alright? You got wanged on the head. Oh, all right, I am. But if anything happens to me, tell them I died robbing some old man.

Hey, guess what you’re accessories to. I daresay that Fry has discovered the smelliest object in the known universe! Oh, I always feared he might run off like this. Why, why, why didn’t I break his legs?

No! Don’t jump! Yeah, I do that with my stupidness. I’m Santa Claus! That’s not soon enough! I can explain. It’s very valuable.

Yeah. Give a little credit to our public schools. Son, as your lawyer, I declare y’all are in a 12-piece bucket o’ trouble. But I done struck you a deal: Five hours of community service cleanin’ up that ol’ mess you caused.

You, minion. Lift my arm. AFTER HIM! Who are you, my warranty?! Is that a cooking show? No! The kind with looting and maybe starting a few fires!

No. We’re on the top. Ugh, it’s filthy! Why not create a National Endowment for Strip Clubs while we’re at it? We can’t compete with Mom! Her company is big and evil! Ours is small and neutral! Yep, I remember. They came in last at the Olympics, then retired to promote alcoholic beverages!

I am the man with no name, Zapp Brannigan! I guess if you want children beaten, you have to do it yourself. It’s okay, Bender. I like cooking too. All I want is to be a monkey of moderate intelligence who wears a suit… that’s why I’m transferring to business school!

We’re rescuing ya. Take me to your leader! Dear God, they’ll be killed on our doorstep! And there’s no trash pickup until January 3rd. Ugh, it’s filthy! Why not create a National Endowment for Strip Clubs while we’re at it?

My fellow Earthicans, as I have explained in my book ‘Earth in the Balance”, and the much more popular ”Harry Potter and the Balance of Earth’, we need to defend our planet against pollution. Also dark wizards. I’m sorry, guys. I never meant to hurt you. Just to destroy everything you ever believed in.

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